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shenreed
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Jannokas Blog {September 27, 2006} Insights…
Jannokes Blog
{September 27, 2006} Insights…
7:58 pm
It’s Tuesday and a lot has happened starting from the last night’s meditation up until today’s meditation around 5 pm. John suggested I go back in time and visit that 7-year-old me that I abandoned in order to survive. The survival bit here means that I had to hide my feelings in order not to get to even more trouble. At least that’s what you think, when you’re 7 years old. It was year 1992. I had fled home, because there was just too much stress at home and I decided to run away to the capital and go to a kids TV-show called the Yes-Show. What possessed me to do something like that? Circumstances. All I knew was that I was unhappy at home and that there was this man (on the kids show) that invited kids to come to the show to sing, clap hands and dance. I thought that was going to save me from the misery at home. So what happened was that my mom left me home alone, because I didn’t want to go with her to a car-show as I had already planned out the escape. She locked the door so I couldn’t leave through the door. I left through the window. In fact I left the window open; I tried to make it look as closed as possible. Finally I got away. I felt overwhelming happiness. Then I got on to a public transport bus and drove to the Bus station, Where I wanted to catch a bus leaving to Tallinn, the Estonian capital. As I made it to the town centre I ran into my mother. I felt so scared, I thought she was going to chop my head off. She asked me how I got there, but I only shouted to her crying, ‘’you are not my mother!!!’’ and pulled my hand free from her grip. I ran and I ran. The fear of having done something I shouldn’t have, it was unbearable, but she didn’t follow me. I felt as though there was a bogeyman on my case. What happened then…I can’t remember, but then I ran to the Bus station, where I got onto the National bus that took me to Tallinn. It was a wondrous trip…all alone! The bus driver must have thought I was there with someone. I got away clean, no hassle from no one. Then at 12 midnight I found myself in
Tallinn. All alone. It was dark…I was scared…But I didn’t cry, because I knew no one would hear my cries. I asked someone in the street that how could I get to the TV station and I was shown the way. When I got there, I just walked in there and introduced myself and I said I was going to be on the Yes-show. The lady in the reception thought I was some employee’s son, so she told me to stay nearby her and called someone. I said I wanted to go for a little walk and she said it’s ok. And I went deeper into the TV-station, looking for the host of the show I wanted to take part in. As you can guess I couldn’t find him. Then I had to leave the TV-station. I went to a nearby apartment block and asked for a random family if I could stay with them… (TEARS rolling down my cheeks now…) they accepted me. They gave me a place to sleep and fed me in the morning. They had no reason to trust me and let me in…but god himself must have looked out for me. The next morning I thanked them and left them and went back into the TV-station, where the adults realized I had fled from home and called the social workers and I was taken to an ‘abandoned kids’ home’. That was a journey within a journey itself, but I’m not going to get into details here. I was finally taken to a secure place, where there were other kids like me, whose parents didn’t care about them. I didn’t know it then, but I do know it now!!! All of that was so very tiring and traumatizing to a little 7-year-old that I was, that I started to believe that I had no troubles and that life is one big ‘La-la Land’. I became numb to the abuse I received form the grown-ups in there. There was this one care-taker, who was a very evil-looking lady, but in fact, she was the loving one. Her son…about 21 years old then…was very friendly looking…and he was the one who administered self-hatred into me. At night he approached me and started playing with my…dinkle…he did it repeatedly, because I was unable to protect myself…heck, I wasn’t even aware of what was going on. I felt intense fear, while he was doing that to me, but I didn’t stop him. He also brought me to a premature orgasm. I experienced intense pain inside my little penis…but I didn’t know what it was. I continued doing that to myself later on in life… thinking, it was ok, what this man did to me. He even took me to the sauna and had an orgasm in front of me. He enjoyed what he did to me. That was abuse; this man had no god damn right to do this to me!!! He told me not to tell anyone. And since then I kept this secret, believing that I couldn’t tell anyone and that it wasn’t allowed to tell anyone or there will be trouble. All I wanted to do was to tell the care-taker, but I was afraid this man would harm me. My mother was hundreds of kilometres away and there was no hope of support from her. I carried this pain with me up until last night’s meditation. I had put away this bit of myself, locked the door that lead to it and threw away the key into the depths of hell. It took ‘evil’ to unlock this memory and help me reach understanding. It was John, who helped me see this. Thank you John! The feeling I am feeling right now is beyond words. Thank you. The same man, who abused me also wrote me a letter, when I left the ‘care home’ and in the letter he said once again not to tell anyone and there was also 10 Estonian crowns (Estonian money) … What a terrible man! Since that experience it became imprinted in me that I have to keep everything to myself and not tell anyone, because if I do…I will get into trouble! I started to feel very dirty during the years, but I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t know what I had done wrong. The pain became a part of me. I started to believe I was that pain. Oh god…
During the 5 pm meditation I visited myself in that experience again and this time I told my little 7-year-old self to finally come back home, into my heart and I allowed him to express all his feelings (which in reality are my feelings). I have been overwhelmed with anger since the first realization last night. I am so very angry with this man for doing this to me. I also started getting other experiences in my life that requested my attention, but I don’t have the energy to deal with them right now. I have got a lot of loving to do here! Luckily I have all the time in the world. At this point in my life I am becoming aware of the past experiences that I put away and I am integrating them all into the present day me. Thank you once again, John!
It’s 10:52 pm now. I have spent most of the day sitting by the computer screen and studying music. Going to go for a little walk now to get some fresh air. My brain is slightly labile right now…I can’t seem to be able to get my thoughts together. I’m not feeling very irritated, but I feel as though I should try harder to think about things. Something tells me it’s the pressure my mother used to apply on me…and it’s really worn me out. I am rather fed-up with thinking and thinking all the time. Steve’s freaking out in the kitchen…I went to calm him down a bit. He’s in a really bad mood today. He just complained to me that he’s feeling a lot of stress. All that has brought up another issue I have – the fear of angry people. Up to my late teens I was treated like scum by angry people…Steve is the first one to have explained to me that his anger is only temporary, sort of good with the bad thing. Then he started using a loud voice, because he had dropped something on the floor and it had all gone everywhere and that activated me. I told him to !@#$ off the kitchen and leave me to sort the mess out in there…like I’m used to – taking the lead, when everyone else is freaking out, while inside I’m fuming with anger. Then he left me alone in the kitchen to pick up the bits of food everywhere. It then occurred to me that there was an issue staring me in the face – I called Steve and told him that I was scared of him using a loud voice and he started laughing and said very firmly that he could never pour his anger out on me. When he gets angry…it’s his anger and he deals with it. I still become slightly shaky when his temper starts to flair, but at least I will know this now.
Another very important insight I gained today was during the 5 pm meditation. It completely slipped my mind…it goes as follows – always to put my own emotions first, no matter what the circumstances, it’s necessary to always let my emotions run wild! There is no excuse for holding back your feelings. None whatsoever. Don’t even try to think of any…do yourself a favour!!! I will never go down that spiral again!
Now I will meditate on another very traumatic experience in my life…It’s when my mother once tried to commit a suicide. All I can remember about this moment was that my mom took some sort of pills, I was about 5-6 years old…crying my little eyes out…that little self in me has requested my attention for now and that I will give it!!!
jannokas @ 8:02 pm [filed under DIARY No Comments »
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3/Oct/2006, 4:02 pm
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shenreed
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Activate again...Thank you...Publicity
shenreed (9/27/06 4:17 pm)
Re: activated once again...
Hi Janno
Yes it can be healed.. you are doing that right now.. What you are doing takes courage and heart... and I will tell you that you are the first person that has done what you have done, publicly... You are a teacher my friend.. showing others by example...that they can do it too...
You said, "I had put away this bit of myself, locked the door that lead to it and threw away the key into the depths of hell. It took ‘evil’ to unlock this memory and help me reach understanding." It wasn't evil, but love that unlocked the memory that denial (evil) was holding shut...
As I was reading your diary (thanks for sharing and I hope you don't mind that I linked to it in this post) I was feeling that you need to move your anger and rage. If you can, get yourself a pumpkin, squash or some other large vegetable and a bat or big stick and take it to a secluded place. If that isn't possible, then find something that you can pound the @#%$ out of in a safe place. Also make it your intent that you will not hurt yourself or anyone else or anything else except that object you have chosen to vent your anger on. Then, when you are ready, take a few deep breaths and "feel" and allow this anger and rage to come up inside you .... and when you are ready... let it go.. and keep going until it's all out...
Remember my story with the woman and the kniife.... same thing with you. Let the anger and rage move without hurting yourself or another... This anger and rage is not only the little seven year old but also the other parts of you that were abused by others... You denied this anger and rage and in doing so, turned it inward as self-hatred... now it's time to let it go to it's right place...
John
"Healing begins in the Heart"
PS: Also if more emotions surface after this clearing, allow yourself to express them to their depths including any physical reactions that your body may have.. Then have a rest and integrate what you have experienced. You will continue to have emotions and physical aches and pains come up for two or three days so just let yourself move with them...
Edited by: shenreed at: 9/27/06 4:50 pm
jannokas (9/27/06 6:14 pm)
Thank you!
I've gotta admit they way i feel at this point...i really believed you were gonna mock me and say something that would have sent me in a frenzy. I am very pleased to have been wrong about this. I started seeing evil in you, because of certain suppressed anger issues. I have so much suppressed anger. I used to keep it in, because i thought God didn't wan't me to upset my mom. I used to feel like sh*t all the time, but i had no clue i was supposed to show my anger. Just why didn't my mom at least once in her life point that out to me, i don't know. She told me she has had a similar experience that she had to suppress a lot of her emotions (because her mother was a social 'puritan') and she got stomach aches...and i once got this extremely painful stomach ache and there was nothing apparent wrong with me, when they did their tests on me in hospital, i was sent home as a 'pretender' and 'an attention seeker'...and i was forced to believe i was the bad one again...
Well i'm glad you corrected me about that 'evil', but that's what i meant...i thought you were the 'evil' one (meaning the opposite really...like it is with madness, you think love is hate and hate is love). But you turned out to be the loving one, the guiding light.
*I don't believe there is hell either...only suppressed fears...
The next step i'm taking then...is i will find a vegetable or a pillow that i can pound the @*$£ out of! Let's see how that goes.
Thank you.
Janno
jannokas (9/28/06 4:15 pm)
About publicity!
I'm happy that all of this is public. Of course i get the feeling a lot of people don't understabd everything i've been through, but as long as it's all been shared...i just feel such release. The more people join in...the better...after all, this is a spiritual community, i would like to feel that i am not being judged by what i've been through, but by what i've learnt...doesn't that sound just perfect??? That's the way i look at other people. I'm sure if any of my writing have offended anyone, then they will let me know
PS! I have not yet smashed a pumpkin, it cost a fortune in the supermarket nearby, i will get a reduced one 2morrow
Janno
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3/Oct/2006, 4:04 pm
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shenreed
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Jannokas Blog {September 29, 2006} Nothing Special
Jannokes Blog {September 29, 2006} Nothing special…
29th of September
Today has been a day so ordinary that there are no words to describe its dullness. I tried meditating and going back to that experience, where my mother once took some suspicious pills ‘to go to sleep’…but it just didn’t happen. I’m not sure whether the denial has gotten the better of me or there is really just nothing to look into right now? All I want to do at this point is simply breathe the air and enjoy my being. I feel that I have lost the power of insight, but then again, do I need it?
The yesterday’s drama has been replaced with this…blankness. Well I was very angry today, but nothing extra-ordinary. I got really angry at a super market today, where Steve embarrassed me, when he started staring at this cute guy and making it so obvious that he was doing it and it just pissed me off, because that guy was obviously getting very bothered about it and I even heard him say ‘disgusting’. Either I’m really paranoid or he really meant to say that ‘us’ gays looking at him…was disgusting. What a plonker! I felt like grabbing his !@#$ face and flushing him down the !@#$ drain hole! But then again…I can be very paranoid. But I’m not at all stupid and I can tell when I get a negative vibe off someone. And the vibe I got off that guy that Steve was looking at was…disgusting. Didn’t like that. We also got a coffee in the ‘Coffee republic’ and the guy there gave it to me half price, because I told him I was leaving the country and that’s his way of saying thank for all the coffees we have paid for in there. This guy is such a nice guy. Really…I just don’t know how to be around nice. I prefer people that are slightly ‘evil’, at least I can be ‘evil’ back then…LOL. No, just kidding, he’s not that kind of nice. I just haven’t sussed him out yet. Just haven’t met that sort of a character before in my life…I don’t know where it begins and where it ends (sort-of-thing).
I did feel the usual nervousness when being in town…there was even one point, where I became really angered for no apparent reason, but it didn’t last; it was only for a brief moment. I just get so angry when people look at me; I just don’t know what the hell they see…Not that it’s anyone’s fault that they’ve got a pair of eyes and a vision centre inside their brains, where they process the light that reflects back from the world outside them… Not at all. I guess I’m more bothered about WHO is seeing me. Are they loving? Are they hateful? You never know. What a pain.
Right now I’m becoming aware of all the different parts of my brain. I used to think that brain itself is alone an entity, but it is in fact an intricate part of the rest of the body. What I used to think was all of me, was in fact just the front lobe and slight awareness of the vision centre. Now I have come to the realization that I exist inside this body…I wear this body, but it’s not like clothing. This body is a marvel, a mystery…I doubt I will ever know all the secrets that are hidden inside it. When breathing in the light I have brought awareness to my shoulders, neck, the back of my head, the vision centre inside the brain, my face, my spine, my hips, my intestines, my heart (which I find very to see, but it’s happening already), my pubic area, my buttocks, my legs, toes, feet, hands, arms… And the weirdest discovery I made last night was that…thoughts are real. After meditation I just sat in one position, when suddenly I realized I had a tune singing inside my brain. I knew it was there, but the moments awareness helped me to see that it is in fact a separate form of energy that just ‘happens’ inside my brain. So is any other form of thought. You can only understand that if you move your attention away form the front lobe. I also realized that there is nothing but present moment and I am indeed inside this moment here. I may not be able to feel it with my body all the time, but it’s true. All of life and the situations are … illusions. All there really is is the present moment. That’s what I experienced after the last night’s meditation.
I’m going to leave this inner dialogue for now and go meditate instead.
jannokas @ 12:53 am [filed under DIARY 1 Comment »
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3/Oct/2006, 4:06 pm
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shenreed
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Publicity
Page 3
shenreed (9/28/06 4:28 pm)
Re: About publicity!
Hey Janno,
Well you brought tears to my eyes...
You are healing, I can feel the difference in you...
John
"Healing begins in the Heart"
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3/Oct/2006, 4:08 pm
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Jannokas Blog THE DAY IT ALL BEGUN IS TODAY! {September 30, 2006}
Jannokes Blog
THE DAY IT ALL BEGUN IS TODAY!
{September 30, 2006}
29th of September 8:45 pm
I feel like I’ve spent the whole day somewhere very safe today. I barely had any cares today. Or put it this way – nothing disturbed me at all today, I’m sort of ok with who I am at this point. I honestly don’t mind being this cool. At this point I seem to know the reasons behind everything that takes place and I know what action to take. Not even for a minute there have I withdrawn from anything. As I went to buy a coffee in the ‘Coffee Republic’ I walked through a bit, where there were a lot of people sitting outside the cafeteria and where you draw a lot of attention and you get a lot of looks at that point. I got sort of like…ok cool, they’re all staring at me…got past that bit and hopped into the café and told the girl in there that every time I go there, it’s a bit stressful, because all the old folks are always staring at ya. She said, ‘they stare, cause they think you’re hot’. I said to her that’s what I thought as well… It’s the sort of conversation that I enjoy so much, because it’s spontaneous and detached.
As I got home from the town I didn’t meditate. I got straight down into studying. I learnt a few new tricks in the harmony area. So I’ve been immersed in ‘cadences’ today.
We’ve also been packing the suitcase here. Leaving to
Cyprus on Sunday. I am very excited about that, but I’m also feeling slightly hesitant, because I have no idea how it’s all gonna work out and what’s it all gonna feel like. The main thing is that change of environment that can be quite the shock. I’m afraid I will waist a lot of time doing nothing. We have a cute little flat in Larnaca, where we lived together since August 2003 up to October 2004. It was a good time, but I was also too young then and life seemed to progress so slow back then. It was unbearable. I was also going through a lot of teenage pain…what a nightmare that was. Wish I had seen the good side to life back then. Well, I didn’t. I used to wake up at night crying for no apparent reason…I used to feel like committing a suicide, because I felt very intense psychological pain at times. Thank heavens Steve was there. He pulled me out of that dark hole that I had somehow dug myself…being young and innocent, I needed all the guidance I could get!
So that’s how I remember
Cyprus…somewhat vaguely and with a slight feeling of dread. Nothing at all rosy at this point.
I feel a sense of longing right now. I need beauty in my life. I need a fresh beginning. Everything feels so worn out and second-hand. I’ve done this same thing over and over again…for one too many times. I took a few pictures of myself…trying to get nice poses to hang up on the net. I used to do that a lot…it was a type of self-entertainment (or ego entertainment rather).
I meditated briefly in the bath. I’m not at all very focused right now. My mind feels pretty wild, it’s not doing what I want it to do. Not that I want it to do anything particular, other than help me study music and calm down at night.
I just remembered that I have noticed a change in me after meeting that 7-year-old me. The whole day…whenever I started drifting off and getting the feeling that I was under pressure, I said to myself – I will let myself feel anything I have to feel even if that means feeling those feelings I wouldn’t like to feel. I also asked myself how do I feel about the people that surround me and do I feel that someone is sending bad vibes at me??? The focus was constantly on how I was feeling. Where I would normally get rather shy (and withdraw from the experience believing I’m the one who’s doing something wrong) I looked at the situation and said to myself – is there anyone abusing me at this point? The answer was obviously no and that helped me to see that it’s the past talking again.
((((((( The rest of this Blog is continued after my next post ))))))))
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3/Oct/2006, 4:11 pm
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shenreed
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The Illusions... of what we call life..
shenreed (9/29/06 10:24 am)
The Illusions... of what we call life...
Hi Janno,
I read your Blog http://jannokas.wordpress.com/ and I'd like to give you some food for thought. I'm going to give different perspectives of what was really going on and not what you "think" and "felt" was going on....In your Blog you wrote the following paragraph.
******************************************
"Well I was very angry today, but nothing extra-ordinary. I got really angry at a super market today, where Steve embarrassed me, when he started staring at this cute guy and making it so obvious that he was doing it and it just pissed me off, because that guy was obviously getting very bothered about it and I even heard him say ‘disgusting’. Either I’m really paranoid or he really meant to say that ‘us’ gays looking at him…was disgusting. What a plonker! I felt like grabbing his @#%$ face and flushing him down the @#%$ drain hole! But then again…I can be very paranoid. But I’m not at all stupid and I can tell when I get a negative vibe off someone. And the vibe I got off that guy that Steve was looking at was…disgusting. Didn’t like that"
********************************************
1) Steve's intent at staring at the cute guy was neither loving toward you or toward the guy, as he was making his unloving and "disgusting" intent clearly known and felt...
2) You are sensitive and intuitive and you picked up on Steve's unloving intent and the "game" he was playing and that pissed you off... At first it wasn't the experience but his unloving energy that you intuitively felt that pissed you off...But you denied it...
3) The it brought up your old feelings (the 7 year old) of not being good enough, being betrayed, alone and abandoned... but you continued denials and to not express yourself,
4) The seven year old that you talked to the other day, the one you told that you were going to be there for HIM...and that you were not going to allow this to happen again, was trying to get you to express yourself at Steves unloving comments and actions.
5) But when you continued to keep your mouth shut, and he became angry at your lies and hypocrisy as you told him that you were there for him...but unless you put your words into action.... they are just unloving meaningless words.. from a cruel Ponker that says one thing and does another... Before you were ignorant...now you are pretending to be ignorant and that is unloving and hateful and that only adds to the unlovingness that the seven year old has to bear.
6) You felt the anger and rage of the seven year old directed at you... the liar... the ponker ... but because you were already denying the truth... you shifted the anger to the cute guy...blaming him instead of yourself..and calling him a ponker
7) The cute guy also felt Steves unloving vibes and he didn't like them either... He also saw you by his side and knew that the two of you were together..but seeing that you didn't say anything to what your boyfriend was doing..he also saw you as the doer of evil...
He wasn't in denial of what he was feeling and he send back the energy that was being sent to him by verbally expressing the word "disgusting" which is what he felt was the energy that was coming from Steve and you..
9) The "disgusting" energy vibes that you were picking up from the cute guy was not his energy but Steves and your energy that he was returning to you by expressing what he was feeling....
10) The vibes you got and felt as "disgusting" was the same "disgusting" energy that he felt from Steve and you... He's not the plonker.. You and Steve are...
11) The feelings that you felt the very first time that you became aware of Steves little unloving game were REAL feelings and emotions...but you DENIED expressing yourself.
12) Because of your denial, all the other feelings and emotions that came up afterwards, were actually "false" feelings and emotions. False in the sense of not being real or loving, because you were already in unloving light and denial when you were feeling them...
13) The false feelings and emotions are also part of our imprints, programs and beliefs and are used by unloving light to trap you and keep you ignorangt, in doubt and in denial, where they can feed off of you....
14) You also said,
************************************************
"I just don't know how to be around nice. I prefer people that are slightly ‘evil’, at least I can be ‘evil’ back then…LOL. No, just kidding," I feel you use FALSE or unloving humor to get the focus off of what you are really feeling.. it's another form of denial that you need to be aware of and look at..
*************************************************
14-a) You might also take a look at why you get your "yuk yuks" from being "evil" back at them... This also ties in with this experience as here Steve is being evil, but instead of expressing what you feel, you deny.... and then time passes by.. and then you get triggered and now you want to get even,,, but because evil is not your natural state of being, you try to "joke" your way around it so that you think by being funny, you are not evil when in fact you are the doer of evil... More @#%$ up programming that you need to be aware of.
15) You also said,
**************************************************
"I just get so angry when people look at me; I just don't know what the hell they see…Not that it’s anyone’s fault that they’ve got a pair of eyes and a vision centre inside their brains, where they process the light that reflects back from the world outside them…"
**************************************************
15 a) You got it... but you got it back ass wards... as you now know that your experience was actually a refletion of you and your unlovingness.
John
"Healing begins in the Heart"
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3/Oct/2006, 4:12 pm
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shenreed
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annokas Blog THE DAY IT ALL BEGUN IS TODAY! {September 30, 2006}
((((((( continued from before the next post ))))))))
THE DAY IT ALL BEGUN IS TODAY! {September 30, 2006} Part 2
0:45 am (30th of September)
I just read the reply from John. I feel slightly dumb at this point as I found the whole information hard to digest. I feel like he’s helping me in so many ways and I’m just not getting it.
He referred to the experience with the cute guy in the super market, where I got upset with Steve for putting me in this position. John says I was simply feeling Steve’s unloving intent and as I’m sensitive and intuitive I picked it all up, but ended up denying it all. I am trying to understand this, but I just don’t. Say, I denied how I felt about the action Steve took and then ended up feeling the anger that was caused by the denial (which the unloving light beings feed upon) and I started believing I was upset with the cute guy instead. To come to think about this…why was I upset with him? He didn’t do anything at all to me? I thought maybe he was that unloving creature and I picked up on that. But John says it was Steve. And I was the doer of evil. During that moment, when all of that happened I simply had a go at Steve, because I felt that he was being out of order for putting me in a position like that. He became very embarrassed and said I was right and he never wanted to do anything like that again. I felt sorry for Steve, because I felt that I was causing him pain, like I was ruining his bit of fun… But how can this be fun if I’m not enjoying it? Of course I always tell him how I feel about anything particular, but sometimes I feel guilty for having a go at him, because he’s just such a kiddo and he just isn’t aware of what is going on in the other side. I don’t know where this relationship is heading towards. He has been the rock underneath me, the realist, someone who knows how to haggle and get his own out of things. I don’t judge the way he does things, but sometimes he really isn’t quite sensitive towards the world around him and that makes him a convenience person…someone who likes to sink into the couch in front of the telly watching programs about road rage! That kind of stuff used to seriously anger me, but I guess it’s the sort thing that turns him on. I ignore it these days and I even watch them with him, because I realized they’re just TV programs. Another issue we have with him is that…he smokes more than 20 cigarettes a day! I can’t make him stop smoking, but I just wish he realized the damage he is doing to his lungs, I refer to it all the time, sometimes using an irritated tone. It’s so sad. I like to have my ciggie with a coffee during afternoon and one before I go to bed as it helps me to relax a little bit. When I observe what happens while smoking one cigarette…the damage it’s causing is tremendous! I even lit up one ciggie last night and I knew that this action is one of these that cause havoc rather than peace…but I chose to do it. I need at least one little bad habit…without any bad habits…I doubt I am ready for a life of such magnitude.
jannokas @ 12:33 am [filed under DIARY No Comments »
Last edited by shenreed, 3/Oct/2006, 4:18 pm
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3/Oct/2006, 4:15 pm
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shenreed
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Re: Jannokas Journey (posted by John aka Shenreed)
MissLisa62
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(10/7/06 10:09 am)
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Re: Unusual Question
Hi Ashliegh,
I am going to address your question without reading anyone elses reply... just to let others know why I am not commenting on any of what they may have said.
This very thing is something I had to struggle to understand when I was learning about non-judgement and unconditional love... and the seemingly complex matrix that creates the human life we live.
First of all we are looking at these people (rapest, murders and such) purely from a human eye.... and see them as pure evil beings. Not all are, and some have incarnated (not all mind you, some just go haywire in their internal wiring) to even out a karmic debt. For example... lets say in another lifetime two people incarnated together... lets just say it was a husband and wife... and the husband turned bitter and angrey during his life with this wife and he ended up killing her brutally in a fit of rage. Now this event was not part of the soul plan, but was an effect of becoming too entrenched in the ego side of life (ego being a fear based entity)... and killed out of rage/fear.
So as the two plan out their next lifetimes together, he must experience the same sort of brutality he inflicted upon her in that lifetime... so that he can fully understand what she learned from the unplanned event and what transpired (this would be called a karmic debt fullfilled)... so they incarnate together again... lets so tho this time she has incarnated as a male but one she does not have a relationship with in this lifetime (and this could be due to the fact she would not follow thru with the life plan if she was emotionally involved with him) and thru whatever event they planned... she kills him brutally.... they will both have experienced a similiar experience and all the lessons (soul wise... keep in mind every single aspect of life... even those times we look at as evil) are all about the evolution of the soul experience.
This is when it is most important to us as human souls to not judge people and their acts. That does not mean we have to like what transpired.... but to cast terrible energy towards another, regardless of what they did, equally creates a karmic debt to be repaid to us... for perhaps hating someone as opposed to hating the act itself.
And what about those people who do go haywire in their human experience... even that is a soul lesson. Something to strive to over come in another lifetime. In learning to work within the matrix of the human experience. In the end (when we cross over) we will also have to relive those events once again but this time... we see and feel it from the ripple effect. I feel how you felt in what I did to you, and how others felt in what I did to you... and also look at how it came to be that way, and learn what compelled it and create another lifetime to help me further grow in that particular area) within myself.
With love and honor to you and all you attempt to do.
Lisa
Spiritual
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11/Nov/2006, 9:32 am
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shenreed
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Re: Jannokas Journey (posted by John aka Shenreed)
jannokas
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Posts: 96
(11/10/06 2:00 pm)
Reply Unusual Question
Lisa your responses always sooth all the emotions that start to flair, when i speak to mr John. The last time our conversations became so fiery that i didn't have the energy to respond to his last observation. I may be gay, but i still need the female presence...just noting a fact
Thanks!
Jan
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11/Nov/2006, 9:33 am
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shenreed
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Re: Jannokas Journey (posted by John aka Shenreed)
Spiritual Awareness
> Questions & Answers
> After the inner child has been healed...
jannokas
Registered Member
Posts: 126
(1/3/07 10:39 pm)
Reply... After the inner child has been healed...
Once you become aware of the inner child and his suffering in life and once you've done all you can to heal him/her...but pain continues...where do you look then? I know it is a bit of a general question, but isn't all pain the inner child's pain? And once the child has been healed...what else is there to heal?
Please give me your response John .
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12/Jan/2007, 11:27 pm
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