shenreed
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Re: Jannokas Journey (posted by John aka Shenreed)
jannokas
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(1/24/07 9:04 pm)
Reply Thank you!
Thank you John!
And because of how i feel about you i would like to say to you: may you enjoy what you have!
Janno
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28/Jan/2007, 12:10 am
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shenreed
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Re: Jannokas Journey (posted by John aka Shenreed)
I missed keeping up with Jannos Blog.. The last entry before this one was Sept. 30 2006 and that was posted in this thread... I'm posting this single entry for November as it is the only one for that month... Since then there were (6) in December 2006 and to date, there are (14) posts in January 2007 and far too many to "get caught up" so to speak... If you are interested in reading them I've provided the link. Janno's Blog
Entries from November 2006
Past…
November 29th, 2006 · No Comments
29th of November, 2006 Dear diary, i can’t believe i’m really back in Finland and seeing my mom. Can’t say i’m extremely optimistic about going to Tallinn. But i want to do it. I don’t know what happened earlier, i was telling my mom about Lisa and i just became lost for words, my mind went blank. I didn’t think i’d ever feel like that around my own mom again. I guess the trauma has been so deep that there are just no limits to it…perhaps i’m just feeling down from today. I spent the whole day alone and i have no one to complain to. When i’m with Steve, i can at least let it all out without worrying about it too much…i can’t do that with my mom. With her i have to smile and pretend i’m fine…That just puts this intense pressure on me. I wanna scream from the depths of my throat!!! Th one thing i really feel like doing right now is actually practising my piano. I wish i had my piano here…i’d really let it all hang out right now. I’m feeling really creative! So…there has to be a constructive use to all this creative energy. perhaps i should write a book? I’ll write a short story instead!
The snow hasn’t fallen this year. It’s November and there is still no trace of snow. It just won’t happen. I’m glad though, because i’m not much of a snow fan anyways. I prefer things nice and warm. Hence the reason why i fled to Cyprus. It’s warm there. It never seazes to be warm there. The only time i froze my nuts off was about a month ago, when Cyprus was hit by a cold spell that moved in from the South-Russia. That was unbearable…You’d never expect to wake up freezing cold and shivering in the morning in Cyprus. These things just never happen in life. It’s one of these things that when it happens you think something has gone wrong in the World! Maybe it’s the much anticipated Armageddon/ Apocalypse or ‘the end of the World’ in Layman’s terms.
My world has ended about a million times so far. I have experienced the greatest losses one can ever experience in life. The first thing i lost in life was my much needed dignity…it was robbed from me, when i was a kid. I was a shy kid, rather withdrawn and very pre-occupied with lonely things that lonely kids do. But i never saw things in that way myself. I do not agree with being alone. I know i’m alone physically, but my spirit is never alone. My mom claimed she was unhappy as a young girl, because she was too boring…Nobody wanted to be with her, because she was ‘boring’. What a cruel word!? She is such a loving and kind spirit inside, but she has never been able to show affection. She has the dreadful 4 1’s in her birthdate…which makes her a very misunderstood person. Too much ‘ego’ material and too little soul presence. But it’s the life she has chosen for herself in the heavens. She will find the answers she’s always been looking for. I’m not at all worried about that. I worry about her in general though. She is my mom in the end of the day and one thing i could never bare would be loosing her. That’s a loss that i hope God will never confront me with. I have to learn to let go of the physical image though…I know that our lives are nothing but tools in the soul business we’re really doing here.
Let’s write about the Grieg piano concerto in a minor. I have been obsessed with it since the dawn of time…so to speak. The first moment i heard i fell so deeply in love with it that it’s been impossible to depart from it ever since. It’s a rather simple piece, there isn’t much of that ‘pianist virtuoso moment’ thing going on. It’s a hyper-sensitive emotional piece. Maybe Grieg had the hyper sensitivity arrow? He was born 15th of June or something…? If he had a 2,5 or 8 in his birth-date then he didn’t have the hyper-sensitivity arrow in his numerological thing… But that music definitely comes from a very sensitive soul…someone who has suffered quite grandly. At the same time the simpleness of the sound of that concerto indicates the fact that he hasn’t yet seen the worst of the suffering, there is still a lot of that inner child going on. Perhaps he discovered the inner child after a grueling time apart from all that is pleasant in life? Hmm…doesn’t make much sense, because he wrote the concerto, while he was 25 years old. Since he was a Gemini i’m not at all surprised with how attractive i find his music. I am an Aquarius and it’s a fact that Aquas gravitate towards Geminis. I like Geminis irrationality versus sensitivity. It’s the main sensitivity that drives them to move a lot, be so active and communicate that well. Well…back to the concerto. It’s starts with a magnificent a minor chord at the top of the keyboard accompanied by the rumbling Timpanis at first. It sounds best in the original version of the concerto. I am not very keen on the modified versions of the concerto. I was lucky enough to be able to hear the original version first and then the other simpler versions. The problem is that rumbling Timpanis do not convey the feeling of the smell of the fog in the early spring in the Norwegian Fjords.But the woodwinds do. They sound much gentler and have less of that attention grabbing noisyness. The rest of the original version is pretty much the same as the modified version, except for a few chords here and there, but nothing too noticable. There is one cadenza in the first movement. It’s not at all very demanding…it is rather unchallenging really. But it does have a lot of that substance; it conveys a powerful feeling!!! The theme of the first movement is so cute that it’s hard not to be able to memorize it. Even those who may claim not to have a musicians talent can easily hum the theme without making any mistakes. The second movement is like an actual Monet’s painting. It is just so powerful that even the few that do not listen to classical music would stop in their paths and listen and ask themselves the basic questions of existence…but they won’t even realize it, because they will be enjoying the piece too much. When i first heard the 2nd movement i did not think much of it until i heard the piano part. It starts with the orchestra playing this extremely slow tune that may be rather hard to grasp at first, but as soon as you’ve heard the whole piece you will want to hear it over and over again. It is addictive. There are so many nuances there that are not at all easy to spot. It is not a very flashy piece with all the big guns out and about like you would find in most of Liszt’s music Like i said it is like you are listening to a a painting of an impressionist era. It’s very emotional, but there is also slight abstractionism there - you feel free to feel anything you like about it, you don’t feel confined to think: hey, this is a great piece and so on…One will have to develop their own understanding of it. While listening to it you will feel as though you’re flying around the Norwegian landscape and land somewhere on top of a Fjord and watch flowers grow and birds fly at the distance and towards the end you will feel like you are a sunset… The 3rd movement is very flamboyant with a lot of vigour. It feels like rushing around, but not with the feeling as though you have lost something, but as though you’ve discovered the meaning of life and now you’re rushing everywhere to tell the news. There is much to share and share one shall!!! It’s accompanied by slight uneasiness though, but it doesn’t at all smother the over all excitement and optimism. Luckily it’s not a constant turmoil, there is a breathing in the middle of the piece…it feels like you’ve entered the gates of Heaven; it is so very serene that there are not such words to describe it. Then the music returns to it’s original fast moving pace. Towards the end the feel of the music gets very uneasy; it’s as though you get lost in the Norwegian woods during a lightning storm and there is just no escape from anything that is bad in the world…but luckily this ‘misery’ is followed by a perfectly happy ending, where the clouds get blown away by the warm summer breeze and sun comes out to play again and the lost wanderer finds himself, where he’s always wanted to be the most, at the very heart of innocence and true happiness!
You’ve gotta listen to it yourself and make up your own mind about it, dear diary, but i’m sure if you open your heart to it you would experience what i have!
Tags: DIARY
Last edited by shenreed, 28/Jan/2007, 12:24 am
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28/Jan/2007, 12:23 am
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