anarchist1
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Registered: 01-2004
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Gray World
Well, here's where I'll post the days of my life. Hopes, dreams and spiritual aspirations. Issues, tissues and all. I'm not into the touchy feely thing. I'm not. Seriously. I flinch at the thought of sentimentality. Just listen to the monotone of these words.
But I also know it's time for a change. I don't enjoy life. I feel like I'm walking around with a towel wrapped around my head. With cotton balls in my ears and up my nostrils. Like I'm only experiencing a fraction of what's really there. And I know I don't have the same range of feelings as I once did. Every emotion lately is a shade of gray. It's not that I'm just tired of certain things. NOTHING excites me anymore. When good things happen I can only ponder the fact that eventually I have to return to monotony.
I recently got a flu so bad I couldn't walk in a straight line. And a vicious depression came right along with it. I remember thinking "This is a dark world governed by dark and ambigious laws." I've been tired for years. I yawn and get dizzy all the time. I am pale with dark circles under my eyes no matter how much I sleep. I always feel anxious and desperate and guilty and found wanting of something. I'm absent minded and socially inept. I'm Mr. Invisible.
I've turned to New Age spirituality in an attempt to deal with it. I've been reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and trying to develop my own method based on living completely in the moment and to become enlightened. I've been practicing a method which I posted on this forum, but was strongly disagreed with by John.
Later I'll post the details of my past. To give everyone (especially myself) an idea of how I've gotten where I'm to. I'm not sure of the etiquette for these journey journals. But I personally don't mind people posting their comments. This is a community where everybody learns from everybody else.
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21/Jan/2004, 9:45 am
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Madia
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Registered: 07-2004
Posts: 1
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Re: Gray World
Hi,
I just read your post and I have alot of the same issues as you. All that comes to mind for me is f the system.
The happiest time of my life is when I cared the least. The system is a vulture and does not care about you and I.
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27/Jul/2004, 3:23 pm
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